The Unnecessary Apology
By Ayman Fouad Abdelgawad
Sometimes courtesy becomes a habit of asking permission to occupy ordinary space.
I notice the difference between apologising for a harm and apologising for having a reasonable question. The first can repair a relationship. The second can quietly describe one's presence as an inconvenience before anyone has objected.
Politeness matters to me. I do not want confidence to become entitlement, or directness to excuse impatience. Yet a request can be considerate without beginning from an assumption that it should not exist.
“Could you explain this?” is a complete and courteous question. Adding an apology may be appropriate when timing causes a real interruption. Used automatically, it can make ordinary participation feel like an exception someone has kindly permitted.
The change I find useful is small: identify the actual inconvenience, if there is one, and apologise for that. Let the question itself remain legitimate.
Dignity need not arrive loudly. Sometimes it is simply the removal of a word.